My journey started in January 2011, pretty much as a New Year Resolution, but the spark and the real change that took place was when Stephen was born and a mental switch was flipped. That switch was simply believing in myself. It seems like such a simple thing, but it is probably one of the hardest things that people struggle with.
I say this all the time, but it is just so true. When Stephen was born, I believe that I was reborn. I new confidence started growing in me that day in August, and by January it had learned how to walk and it was starting to contemplate running. By January, I knew that I wanted to lose the baby weight from my *first* pregnancy. I also was thinking about running the 3.2 for 32 Run in Remembrance. It was at that point that I joined Sparkpeople.com and started hearing a lot about the Couch to 5K. Right after that, a friend told me she was going to do the c25k. I started doing it with her, and for the first time (ever!) I didn't hate running.
I think this new feeling towards running (I wouldn't go so far as to say that I *loved* it at that point), was due to the fact that the c25k is so gradual, and that relates back again to the fact that big changes actually have to take place gradually, over time.
And guess what! I didn't lose any weight. That's right. I went for a really, really long time without losing one damn pound. Again, big changes = really gradual, over time.
The c25k is not a very rigorous cardio workout. For the majority of the time, you're alternating walking and running, and really don't do more than 30 minutes, including a warm up and cool down. And there were some days when I barely made it to the gym. There were days when I would go (with my totally awesome running buddy, Steph!) and would only do 18 minutes. Some days it might have even been as few as 10 minutes. Barely enough to justify going to the gym, changing clothes, etc, right?
But all of that c25k training was SO IMPORTANT. Because it gave me the confidence to know that I could run 3.1 miles without stopping. It was gradual and took a long time, and I wasn't seeing a difference on the scale, but it gave me confidence and it established a routine.
While I didn't see any freaking change on the scale (which I will admit was frustrating), I could see that my muscles were changing. I had new muscle definition in my legs, which was a huge motivator. I also knew that I felt better when I was running. It had a huge impact on my emotional and psychological well-being.
I started running at a time when Stephen was experiencing horrible ear infections. He was allergic to one of the antibiotics and the other ones were not very effective for him. We went through about 3 month where he was waking multiple times a night, crying inconsolably. It got so bad, the doctor injected him with antibiotics, a procedure that was pretty traumatic for me. Needless to say, Bob and I were not getting a lot of sleep, and I was an emotional wreck. Lack of sleep makes me a pretty angry person, and I wasn't in a very good place.
Something about the running, even as little as 10 minutes a day, helped me deal better with everything else that was going on. It's hard to express how much it helped, but I can say that running was definitely better and cheaper than therapy for me.
So even though I wasn't seeing any difference on the scale, I kept running, because it facilitated for me, things that I quite possibly had never quite felt before: a strong sense of self-confidence and peace. Certainly, I had not experienced these feelings in quite this way before.
It took over a year for me to lose 4 pounds. I got back to my pre-Taylor weight in time for his 4th birthday. I had to increase my running, and I had to change what I was eating. It's just a fact of life: there really isn't enough cardio in the world if you are eating more calories than you're burning. And I did not (and still don't) consider myself an unhealthy eater.
I lost the four pounds with a lot of running and some fairly minor dietary tweaks.
Since Feb. 2012, I have lost more weight, but more importantly, I have shifted my focus and my energy into being a healthier person. I'm not trying to diet.
This past summer, I started strength training, and that has made a huge difference. My body shape has really changed, I have more muscle definition than I've ever had in my life, and MOST importantly, I physically feel that best I have ever felt.
I have tried to cut out a lot of processed foods from my diet, and I think it has had a major impact in every area of my life. I think my moods are more stable, I have more energy, I tend to not get sick as often and when I do it's fairly short-lived, my digestive system is more stable. It has just been such a positive change.
The strength training has also been a gradual process. When I first started, I felt like a total weakling and like everyone in the room was watching me and thinking I was a fool. But I just told myself, everyone has to start someplace. Each person in here had to make a decision one day to walk into the gym and pick up a weight. And then they made the decision to go back the next day. And the next, and so on. And each of these people has probably felt foolish on more than one occasion. The only way for me to stop feeling like a weakling is to go back each day, and so that's what I do. And I realize that this is a lifelong process. There are still some days when I totally look the fool. I mean, seriously, one time my awesome trainer had to come over and point out to me that I was trying to push the prowler backwards. I couldn't get it to move, and I couldn't figure out why! It's because it was backwards! Luckily, I have a pretty good ability to laugh at myself. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself and say, yeah, sometimes I'm an idiot. And I'm okay with that. If you're now willing to make a fool out of yourself, you're going to miss out on a lot in life.
So anyway, this long and rambling post had a point, I think.
My journey started at about 10:45 p.m. on August 23, 2010, doing something I never thought I had the strength to do. Sometimes, all you need is just to truly believe in yourself. It's not something anybody else can do for you or give you. You have to find it in yourself.
Sometimes, you can find or create that confidence just by following through on something every day, even if it's the bare minimum of what you can do.
Small changes, gradually, over time, can amount to big changes. They did for me, and I am still setting new goals every day.