Ugh! I had a couple paragraphs of very deep thoughts, and I just accidentally deleted them!
The gist of it was that I was having some very deep thinking regarding the joy I feel right now for life in general and how, for me, it is very connected to health and fitness. I feel amazing, and I also have this strong desire to share this feeling with others. I don't want to change careers at all; I just wish that everyone could feel this amazing feeling that I feel.
I've become increasingly interested in health and fitness, diet and exercise, and right now I feel the best that I ever have in my life (this was written better the first time!). Most days, I feel like I have boundless energy. My spirits are usually very positive, my digestive system seems to be in a really good place, and in general I just feel, physically and emotionally, the best I have felt in a long time.
And then I started thinking about what this transformation started occurring for me; it's so connected with the birth of my second son. The birth of Stephen truly brought about a rebirth for me. I am a different person now. What an amazing gift that was bestowed upon me!
And it hit me: this is why I've never stopped thinking about the possibility of having another child one day. It's not that this has never occurred to me before -- I remember having a conversation along these lines with Bob when Stephen was about 6 months old. But, I think I had sort of forgotten that this was such a powerfully motivating feeling for me.
It's like I've been on the most amazing drug ever since Stephen was born.
Who wouldn't want to go through that experience again? Who wouldn't want another "hit," so to speak?
I guess the question boils down to, is it enough for me? Do I need to go through that experience again to continue feeling the effects of this amazing drug that has never worn off?
I'm not sure that I do. I tend to think that I can channel that energy into being the best possible mother to those two boys.
It's important to remember that there have been, and continue to be, a lot of ups and downs with this whole thing, too. Motherhood hasn't always been rainbows and endless cups of fro yo.
But I've fallen in love with Taylor, and it was love at first sight with Stephen. I cannot deny that there is still love in my heart to give. Now it is just a matter of understanding and figuring out what to do with that love.