Wow.  I can't believe that my little boy turned four years old yesterday.

This has been a month of birthdays for us (me, Scuba, and Taylor, in that order).  It's hard to really grasp that fours years ago we were still in the hospital, preparing to bring our newborn out into the world and nestle him into our home. We pretty much had no idea what we were doing, and I don't mind saying that we were scared.  As the nurse was getting our last things in order, Bob went in the bathroom and threw up.  I mean, we were seriously scared in that moment.

Now, we got over it.  We started figuring out what we needed to do, because, well, we had no other choice.

I remember that since Taylor was such a big baby, they sent us home with this whole at-breast supplemental system and thus started the baby feeding craziness that plagued me for weeks and, in fact, months after we went home.  One of the early moments of feeding Taylor involved Bob and me both trying to synchronize our movements to get tubes and baby both working and feeding at the same time.  And this was happening at all hours of the night.

It feels like we were so young and green then.

But as I said to Bob the other day, I still don't really feel like I have a clue as to what I'm doing with this little guy, as he continues to grow and develop and push the boundaries.

The good news is, the one thing I do know, is that it's okay to not have it all figured out.  We will learn as we go.  And as long as we continue to be caring, try to see things from his perspective, and maintain our values (such as being kind, polite, empathetic, independent, creative, active, etc), we'll be just fine.
Taylor had a fabulous birthday.  We've been celebrating for awhile, and it has all been so special.  I think that it really has meant a lot to him this year.

I have also celebrated a few milestones that have served to give me encouragement and motivation to continue working towards my goals.

It was right around one year ago that I started running, which I did for many reasons.  I wanted to get in shape, to lose some of my baby weight, to feel more active and healthy, and I wanted to challenge myself to reach a goal I wasn't entirely sure I could achieve.  I was thinking about the 3.2 Run for Remembrance in April and of trying to run a 5K.

So for all of these reasons, I started running.

And now a year later, I've accomplished all of this and more than I ever thought I could.  Seeing some positive results (finally!) has really given me motivation, and it has made it so that I am enjoying everything I'm doing so much more.  

Now, Bob and I are looking to sign up for our first half-marathon.  I get so excited just thinking about it.  I certainly also feel a little scared and uncertain as to whether I'll be able to accomplish my goal, but I know that that is part of the process.  The uncertainty is what will help push me to train, and I will be proud of myself no matter what happens.

This week was also another milestone in the fact that last Monday afternoon, I made a pledge to myself that I would never (I know, "never say never") raise my voice at Taylor again.  Now I know that I may need to shout if there is a chance that bodily harm may occur, and I know that it is unlikely I will *never* raise my voice, but this whole promise to myself has already been incredibly rewarding.  I have managed to not raise my voice in the last week, and I have found that it has affected many other aspects of my parenting and just my overall being.  I am making a concerted effort to keep my voice lower than usual in general, and overall I am finding that I am more peaceful and am finding other ways of directing behavior that are alternatives to repeating "No, no, no!" over again.  I think Taylor's behavior has been improving, and I have been happier.  Bob and I are starting a class today called "Love and Logic," and I am hoping that it is going to give me some more tools for finding loving, logical ways to guide both of the boys' behaviors.  Yay!

Okay, and now I am off to fit in a quick run (two laps of up to the highway and back)
2/28/2012 07:51:28 am

Honey, you're the best Mom I know. You have accomplished so much over the past four years. Daddy and I are so very, very proud of you.


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